Dialogue - Jefferson

[jxl33]

Musical Scales
“Yo E, come over here, you should try something like this on your oboe” says J. He plays the piano, a sweet harmonic scale. It was very beautiful to listen to.
“No, it is something more like this” says E. He pushes aside J and places his fingers on the piano. Although not a piano player, E is able to play another scale with ease. The scale is a little bit more gloomy, generally how minor scales tend to sound.
“Are you sure? That doesn’t sound right” questions J. He doesn’t seem convinced about the scale that E just played.
“What you just played is a harmonic, this is a minor” declares E.
“I just played a minor!” argues J.
“No you didn’t, you played a harmonic” says E. He repeats his minor scale, just as gloomy as the first time. In order to show J the difference, he plays the same harmonic scale immediately after finishing the minor scale.
“Oh right that is the minor, I guess I did play a harmonic” says J. He admits to E that he was musically incorrect.
“The minor sounds much better than the harmonic on the oboe” justifies E.

[KenInGA]

This is a tad bit rough.... the flow could use some work. The content is there, but it doesn't "feel" like normal conversation.

[Sarah Seko]

Your dialogue has a very clear conflict. You do a good job of showing the movement of the characters as they push each other aside. However, I think you could have better captured the tension between the two characters. I didn't get a strong sens of the emotionally reactions of either character.

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