Dialogue LEit

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Dialogue LEit

Post  LEit on Tue Sep 28, 2010 3:28 am

Babson-Proofed Dining
I pulled out of line holding my warm fish and vegetables on my plate. As I entered the main hall, I paused to find a place to sit and found a seat on the end of the table to set my plate at. Not knowing any of the people surrounding me, I introduced myself and everyone quickly went back to eating. As I sat there, busily eating, the girl to my left put her fork down gently and said, “I think we should have all the chairs in the dining hall in a spiral.”
The guy across from me replied by choking down his mouth-full of food and replied with, “What, the chairs?”
“You know, like if we had the chairs in a spiral, I could turn around and talk to someone, and talk to people on the sides of me and have someone in front too.” She spun around to demonstrate after she was done explaining, “you see?”
“I don’t see how it would work,” he replied.
“Look, you just put the tables in a spiral and have the chairs around the tables. It’s like having one huge spiral table!” She smiled and waved her hands up in the air at eye level to describe the hugeness of the table. “That would totally fix this freshman table thing.” As she finished her sentence, she turned around to point to a table inhabited totally by freshmen. As I began to wonder why that was, she quickly chimed in, “I think the freshmen are a lot more cliquey than when I was a freshman.”
“Why’s that?” the guy said, stuffing a piece of fish into his mouth.
“I mean, all the classes interacted with each other more and if there was a table open, we would fill that table to the maximum before starting another one.” Finished with his bite of fish, he opened his mouth to speak, but she quickly added, “We wouldn’t just all cluster together.”
“Well, that’s because the freshman don’t know us and we don’t know them,” he quickly replied before he was cut off.
She added, “Well, that’s also because of orientation, but if we had a spiral, there would be no problem!”
“But then no one would sit in the middle because you have to walk through everyone!”
“Are you kidding?! Then I would get to say hi to everyone on my way to my seat.”
“Most people would never sit in the middle because of the walk.” He retorted.
“We’re at Olin people would sit in the middle. People are sociable here.”
Conversation suddenly ceased as, two unfamiliar guys walked by in jackets and baseball caps. Our whole table followed them with our eyes and watched them take an unoccupied table in the corner.
“You’re right,” he said. “Olin students are very sociable. But that would be the best way to get rid of Babson people ever!”

LEit

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Re: Dialogue LEit

Post  cbehling on Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:50 am

First of all, I love the ending!
Everything you used here I can truly see happening. I really get the voices of the two people involved. I can picture this whole scene very clearly, as a matter of fact, and i can't say it enough: the voice of the girl is especially vivid. The guy seems a little... off. maybe that's just his character? I honestly don't know. But when paired with this well defined girl, it seems odd. Overall very good job. I even had a nice laugh about the ending.

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Re: Dialogue LEit

Post  MrX on Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:53 am

Great job.
I like how there is a distinct difference between the girl and the guy in this. The girl is excited and peppy whereas the guy is somewhat nonchalant and is just engaging in conversation.
Interesting conflict. The second floor of the dining hall has circular tables.

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Re: Dialogue LEit

Post  MaryShelley on Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:57 am

This is a strong sample. You are already writing scene. I thought this might be at the expense of the dialogue, but it's not. In particular, the girl's voice feels authentic, unique to her character. Odd that since you do exposition, we don't get a visual of her. I even like her idea, the subject of their conversation. An idea explored. Possibly, there is a way to build in tension? between the two.

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Re: Dialogue LEit

Post  Patrick Varin on Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:01 pm

I get a good sense of character, it was an interesting conflict. I feel like I understand where both of the characters are coming from. I would agree that the girl is a little more defined than the guy, but there are always those characters that are more easily described than others. I love the ending!

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Re: Dialogue LEit

Post  jxl33 on Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:02 pm

The conversation does a good job building the scene. The conflict is a little bit obscured as the dialogue continues. The voices are consistent throughout.

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Re: Dialogue LEit

Post  KenInGA on Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:04 pm

Sounds like an Olin-dinner-table conversation to me!

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