My Scary Place

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My Scary Place

Post  LEit on Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:44 pm

She had lived at that house on the hill for nearly ten years now. It’s not a particularly frightening house; in fact, it’s quite the opposite of frightening on every level. She enjoyed the cool mountain breeze that flowed in through the porch and the sunlight streaming in through the person-sized windows that lined the wall. She could hear the forest birds chirping in the back yard and felt the small round stones under her feet as she sat in her collapsible chair. She just sits there, reading. Hours pass by and the sun begins to set over the mountains behind the house. It’s funny, because she doesn’t even realize that it’s getting dark until the page becomes indecipherable. She looked out at the valley that was now cloaked in darkness, except for a few rows of bright dots where street lights lined the roads. The street lamp in front of the house was always on. Stupid light. Can’t tell when it’s night and day. She yawned wide and stretched her arms up and out. Then she realized that she hadn’t taken her afternoon nap. She had a habit of being lazy, but this afternoon, the nap didn’t cross her mind until dark. She glanced at the clock on the oven. It was only 6:30, she could probably sneak a nap in before she actually had to go to bed.
She arrived at the stairs to her room and stood at the base with her reading material, looking up at the darkness above. There’s nothing scary about stairs either. She just didn’t like these stairs much. The lights were always broken; plus, it didn’t’ even look bright when the lights were on. Carefully, she took the stairs step by step in the dark, creaking with each step. It was new wood, but she could feel the steps moving slightly under her feet. Stupid salt air. Melts everything. On the fifteenth step, there was a loud creak, almost like someone drawing a large bow. She jumped slightly, quickly looking to both sides and realizing there was nothing in the dark. She fumbled around on the wall looking for the light switch to the hallway. Her room was right around the corner, but she didn’t want to make the trip without the lights on. The mango tree outside scratched at the side of the house while the wind blew past the half-open windows, making an eerie chorus. She panicked when she couldn’t find the light switch, her heart accelerating. Just then, she stopped searching, and considered walking to her room… in the dark. But magically, the light switch popped up a few inches to her left, and she hastily flipped it up.
Breathing a sigh of relief, she continued slowly to her room and lay down on the bed. It is easy to curl up in the sheets and forget about everything else, but there was always an unnerving feeling in her room. Maybe it was something around the corner that she couldn’t see. Maybe it was the ghostly chorus that wafted into her room when the wind blew. No matter, she could always cuddle up in her blanket and feel its soft, warm plushiness and drift away into sleep.

LEit

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Join date : 2010-09-19

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Re: My Scary Place

Post  cbehling on Fri Dec 03, 2010 1:29 pm

Wow. This is awesome! I loved reading it. I almost wish you develpoed it more. You have a tense change, or something in there, i just don't know exactly what changes. It goes from a general thing to a specific instance. I really want you to re-visit this piece. Its so interesting and so engaging. I was actually a little upset when i saw it turn to the closing. It gives such a great picture of the type of person "She" is, though we don't seem to actually meet her. It is also a great description of the place that all this occurs in. We all know the feeling of the scary creaky steps in the dark. This was just done very well. If you rewrite this, please let me know? I'd love to read it!

cbehling

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Re: My Scary Place

Post  MaryShelley on Thu Dec 16, 2010 11:42 pm

I agree w cbehling. this goes in an unexpected direction once she takes the stares. a creak like a bow being drawn is a fabulous simile. In general, strong cogent description of place. You give a great deal of information inside your narrative. I wonder where this might be going? Surely something bad is going to happen...?

MaryShelley

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