Freewrite 5

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Freewrite 5

Post  Sarah Seko on Tue Nov 16, 2010 1:06 pm

Love – going on walks, the beach, flowers, hot chocolate, ice cream, family, my best friends, reading, fires
Hate – the way my family fights, the cold, when I burn my tongue, feeling embarrassed


It burns me every time.
You would think that I would have learned by now,
That I would have acquired one ounce of self-control.
But I didn’t and I don’t.

I hate the cold.
I can’t say that I am too big a fan of the hot either.
Warm and cool are fine by me.
Nothing too extreme.

My best companion to the cold
Is my green Tinkerbell mug,
A gift from a birthday long past.
So, when winter brings its worst,
I prepare a cup of hot chocolate,
Carefully pouring the packet
So that every last particle falls into my cup.

It then becomes a waiting game.
I listen to the murmur of the microwave
As it counts down the time.
Beep.
It is ready.
But it isn’t ready.
I know it isn’t ready.
I wait.
Time passes and I grab the cup,
Slightly too hot to be comfortable in my sill cold hands.
Yet, I hold on.
I keep myself once from tasting,
Knowing what will come.

I do it anyway.
And it burns my tongue.
It singes my taste buds,
Telling me that for the next few days
Those tiny bumps that line the tip of my tongue
Will be sore.
But it is worth it.
Hot chocolate is always worth it.

The feeling or warmth in its purest form,
As the choclately-goodness glides down my throat
Is enough to battle the burn.

Sarah Seko

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Join date : 2010-09-14

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Re: Freewrite 5

Post  cbehling on Fri Dec 03, 2010 1:14 pm

I don't know if this is what you were going for, or not, but this is a very "cute" poem, i think. I can picture the speaker all bundled up, drinking out of a Tinkerbell mug. I can even picture the speaker holding the mug gingerly, not only because of the heat of the hot chocolate, but also because the mug is a loved item. This poem is very easy to connect to, and i think that makes it very good. It might need some work here or there for word choice and the like, but i really enjoyed reading it. great job!

cbehling

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Re: Freewrite 5

Post  MaryShelley on Wed Dec 15, 2010 11:38 pm

I think you want to say: But I haven't and I won't

The second stanza could be omitted? But then how do you transition to the first line of the third stanza?

I like the surprise of this poem because it isn't overdone. Also, your problem is universal and thus a naturally good subject for a poem.

Only problem I have, here, is that you are writing prose more than poetry, for the most part...

MaryShelley

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Re: Freewrite 5

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