Freewrite5: Contra-poem

Go down

Freewrite5: Contra-poem

Post  LEit on Tue Nov 16, 2010 1:00 pm

The sun
blazing overhead
warms me
as I sip my cool water from the steel bottle.

It tastes funny.
I take another sip
and lay it on the table
so I can bask in radioactivity.

It makes big problems,
that stuff.
But it’s okay;
It’s a million miles away.

I lift my bottle to the sky
to drink the last drop
when I see
the mold at the bottom laughing at me.









The mold in the bottom of my water bottle.
Spider webs
Radioactivity
Needles
Math

Bananas
The sun
Frisbee
Eating a Cinnabon on the back porch in Hawaii.
Birds


LEit

Posts : 21
Join date : 2010-09-19

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Freewrite5: Contra-poem

Post  cbehling on Fri Dec 03, 2010 1:10 pm

I liked the ending. It seems just so perfect. Honestly, i was a little confused about the radioactivity part, but it somehow oddly worked. This seems very stream-of consciousness-like. I enjoyed reading it. The speaker of this poem seems mildly scatterbrained, but it just added to it. Here he is, worrying about radioactivity, deciding he was safe, and BAM, there's unexpected mold in his bottle. Its just so wonderfully ridiculous!

cbehling

Posts : 26
Join date : 2010-09-14

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Freewrite5: Contra-poem

Post  MaryShelley on Thu Dec 16, 2010 12:03 am

Upon a closer reading, I love this poem! It's nicely crafted with attention to the line and form. And the voice is so Yours! A character is conveyed.
Have you ever tried a little white vinegar in the bottom of the water bottle to clean the mold?
But the other thing I love is the juxtaposition of views: that of the inside of a water bottle and that of the sun far away in the sky. They are both hard on the eyes despite that you hate one and you love one.

MaryShelley

Posts : 55
Join date : 2010-09-17

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Freewrite5: Contra-poem

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum